1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,352 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:05,012 --> 00:00:06,494 Grace: Hi. Will: Hey. 3 00:00:06,538 --> 00:00:09,067 Grace: Oh, yum. Give me some. Will: No. 4 00:00:09,111 --> 00:00:10,201 Grace, don't-- 5 00:00:12,336 --> 00:00:14,429 Oh, God. 6 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:17,176 That's disgusting. What is that? 7 00:00:17,220 --> 00:00:18,746 Fruit shake. 8 00:00:18,789 --> 00:00:20,010 What fruit is gray? 9 00:00:22,409 --> 00:00:23,324 Pears. 10 00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:26,420 What? 11 00:00:28,164 --> 00:00:29,733 - Oh. - Oh, for-- 12 00:00:29,777 --> 00:00:31,434 Oh-- 13 00:00:31,477 --> 00:00:33,003 Mondo Fuel? 14 00:00:34,791 --> 00:00:36,230 You're trying to bulk up. 15 00:00:36,274 --> 00:00:37,930 No, it's a... 16 00:00:37,974 --> 00:00:40,022 dietary supplement. [chuckling] 17 00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:43,555 No, it's not. 18 00:00:43,598 --> 00:00:45,952 You want za big arms, 19 00:00:45,996 --> 00:00:47,784 so you can get za big mens 20 00:00:47,828 --> 00:00:50,182 and lure them into your den of zoom-zoom. 21 00:00:50,226 --> 00:00:51,839 Okay, thank you very much. 22 00:00:51,882 --> 00:00:53,626 That'll be enough, Grace. 23 00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:55,763 - Oh, my God. What's happening? - What? 24 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,030 Your buttons are popping. Your shirt is ripping. 25 00:00:58,073 --> 00:00:59,643 You're hulking up! You're turning green! 26 00:00:59,687 --> 00:01:01,431 [screams] 27 00:01:01,474 --> 00:01:04,963 Thank you. Excuse me, this happens to be good for you. 28 00:01:05,573 --> 00:01:07,361 Oh, my God. 29 00:01:07,404 --> 00:01:09,192 It says it also grows breast tissue. 30 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,767 You want to give it a try? 31 00:01:16,299 --> 00:01:18,915 [chuckles] 32 00:01:18,958 --> 00:01:21,923 You know, I thought I knew everything about you, 33 00:01:21,966 --> 00:01:24,626 but you're a mystery, wrapped in a riddle, 34 00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:26,893 surrounded by enigma, growing boobies. 35 00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,036 Anyway, how are you? 36 00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:32,561 I'm okay. 37 00:01:32,605 --> 00:01:34,000 Karen's going on vacation, 38 00:01:34,044 --> 00:01:36,224 so I need to find an assistant for the week. 39 00:01:36,268 --> 00:01:37,663 Karen files her nails, and thumbs 40 00:01:37,707 --> 00:01:38,927 through catalogues all day. 41 00:01:38,971 --> 00:01:40,584 What's she gonna do on a vacation? 42 00:01:40,628 --> 00:01:42,546 I guess office work. 43 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,575 Oh, my God. 44 00:01:52,618 --> 00:01:54,493 Look, don't. It's too easy. 45 00:01:56,193 --> 00:01:57,806 Just give me something to wear, 'cause I can't 46 00:01:57,850 --> 00:02:00,640 walk another block in this Klingon suit. 47 00:02:00,684 --> 00:02:03,038 You want us to not make fun of you looking like that? 48 00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:04,738 That would be... 49 00:02:04,783 --> 00:02:06,701 illogical. 50 00:02:06,744 --> 00:02:08,532 Sit, alien cater-waiter. 51 00:02:08,575 --> 00:02:11,017 Tell us of your pain. 52 00:02:11,061 --> 00:02:13,677 Brandon Schwartz's Star Fleet Bar Mitzvah. 53 00:02:16,205 --> 00:02:18,255 The decor, USS Enterprise. 54 00:02:18,298 --> 00:02:19,955 The menu, intergalactic kosher. 55 00:02:21,351 --> 00:02:22,746 Not to mention one of the little Borgs 56 00:02:22,789 --> 00:02:25,493 barfed all over my clothes. 57 00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:27,890 Captain, after closer examination, 58 00:02:27,934 --> 00:02:29,460 I believe I have identified the life form 59 00:02:29,504 --> 00:02:31,335 as, "Gaylien." 60 00:02:36,437 --> 00:02:37,744 We come in peace. 61 00:02:37,788 --> 00:02:39,707 Please do not rearrange our furniture. 62 00:02:42,278 --> 00:02:43,587 Oh, you know what? 63 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,374 Goodbye. 64 00:02:45,418 --> 00:02:47,118 Okay, okay. We'll stop. 65 00:02:47,162 --> 00:02:48,775 No, you won't, because you can't help yourself. 66 00:02:48,819 --> 00:02:50,868 You were born bitter, nasty, mean-spirited, 67 00:02:50,912 --> 00:02:53,572 and, of course, chunky. 68 00:02:53,615 --> 00:02:55,533 And, Grace, you're not much better, you are a follower 69 00:02:55,577 --> 00:02:57,059 without an ounce of decency. 70 00:02:57,103 --> 00:02:59,370 Jack, do you want to work in my office for a week? 71 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,766 Although you have the ability to change, 72 00:03:00,809 --> 00:03:02,902 and that's what I've always liked about you. 73 00:03:02,946 --> 00:03:04,123 Karen's going on vacation for a week. 74 00:03:04,166 --> 00:03:05,649 I need someone to help out with the phones. 75 00:03:05,693 --> 00:03:07,393 - Hours? Dental? - Minimal. Lunch. 76 00:03:07,436 --> 00:03:08,395 Yeah. I think we can work something out. 77 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:09,791 Great. 78 00:03:09,834 --> 00:03:11,884 Oh, you girls are gonna have a ball. 79 00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:13,802 Braiding each other's hair, and talking about boys, 80 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,721 and doing the "Cosmo" quiz. 81 00:03:15,764 --> 00:03:17,857 Oh, you mean, like, how to tell if your best friend's a bitch? 82 00:03:17,901 --> 00:03:19,601 Yeah, I already took it. You are. 83 00:03:22,783 --> 00:03:25,705 [theme music] 84 00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:35,907 Female here to see you. 85 00:03:36,693 --> 00:03:37,783 You're kidding. 86 00:03:39,788 --> 00:03:41,707 Send her in. 87 00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:43,712 Of course he is. 88 00:03:43,755 --> 00:03:46,022 As a three-dollar bill, honey. 89 00:03:49,467 --> 00:03:52,171 Did she just fall off the boat, or what? 90 00:03:53,435 --> 00:03:54,699 Karen, what are you doing here 91 00:03:54,743 --> 00:03:57,620 besides outing me to the front office? 92 00:03:57,664 --> 00:03:59,320 Well, first of a-- 93 00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:01,065 Oh, Will. 94 00:04:01,109 --> 00:04:03,114 The green, no. [chuckles] 95 00:04:04,379 --> 00:04:06,864 The law books are kind of cute, though. 96 00:04:06,907 --> 00:04:08,957 And you work in a basement? 97 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,224 Honey, you've gotta move up from the street. 98 00:04:11,267 --> 00:04:12,924 Otherwise, you're sittin' around all day 99 00:04:12,968 --> 00:04:14,755 watchin' bad shoes go by. 100 00:04:16,718 --> 00:04:17,895 See, Nine West. 101 00:04:21,426 --> 00:04:23,039 I love this office. 102 00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:24,391 Okay, I mean-- I mean, look at these moldings. 103 00:04:24,435 --> 00:04:26,309 See, this place has historical significance. 104 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,402 You know, they filmed "Serpico" just-- 105 00:04:28,446 --> 00:04:29,972 Why am I defending my building? 106 00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:31,890 K-- Karen, what do you want? 107 00:04:31,934 --> 00:04:33,678 Well, what I want, 108 00:04:33,722 --> 00:04:35,509 is for you to get a new rug. 109 00:04:35,553 --> 00:04:37,471 Oh, honey. 110 00:04:37,514 --> 00:04:39,826 It's too busy, it's shoddy, 111 00:04:39,870 --> 00:04:41,875 I'm thinking of leaving my husband, and-- 112 00:04:41,918 --> 00:04:43,968 Oh! Those window treatments! 113 00:04:44,011 --> 00:04:46,365 - What? What? What? - Bamboo? 114 00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:48,720 This is a law firm, not the Tiki-Tiki Room. 115 00:04:48,764 --> 00:04:51,467 - Karen! - How can you-- 116 00:04:51,511 --> 00:04:53,211 Forget the blinds. 117 00:04:53,255 --> 00:04:55,435 Your husband? What's happening with you and Stan? 118 00:04:55,478 --> 00:04:58,879 Well, we were just about to get on our plane 119 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:01,408 to go black pearl shopping in Bora Bora, 120 00:05:01,452 --> 00:05:03,893 when all of a sudden, I looked at Stan, 121 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,463 and it dawned on me, 122 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,948 marriage shouldn't be this much work. 123 00:05:10,171 --> 00:05:12,264 Karen, I'm a corporate attorney. 124 00:05:12,308 --> 00:05:14,227 What you need is a good divorce lawyer 125 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:16,450 or perhaps just a good pharmacist. 126 00:05:19,589 --> 00:05:22,379 The nastiness comes so easily to your people. 127 00:05:26,783 --> 00:05:28,963 Come on, Will! Don't patronize me. 128 00:05:29,007 --> 00:05:31,710 I know exactly what kind of lawyer you are, 129 00:05:31,753 --> 00:05:33,890 an obscure one. 130 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,852 And that's why I need you. 131 00:05:35,896 --> 00:05:37,989 I have to find out about Stan's corporate holdings 132 00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:39,036 without him knowing. 133 00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:40,169 Will: Really? 134 00:05:40,213 --> 00:05:43,439 This is so... Alexis Carrington. 135 00:05:43,483 --> 00:05:46,230 Come on! Look, I'm serious. 136 00:05:46,273 --> 00:05:48,453 The thing is, I'm starting to feel 137 00:05:48,497 --> 00:05:50,502 as if I don't own my own husband anymore. 138 00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:56,955 You mean, you don't know your own husband anymore? 139 00:05:56,999 --> 00:05:58,306 Well, that's what I just said, honey. 140 00:05:58,350 --> 00:05:59,309 Will: No, you s-- 141 00:06:01,097 --> 00:06:02,536 You said, "Own." 142 00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,106 No, I said I feel like 143 00:06:04,149 --> 00:06:05,588 I don't own my own, like I don't, like I-- 144 00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,201 Oh, alright! Ding, ding, ding. 145 00:06:07,245 --> 00:06:09,033 You'd win on "Jeopardy," smart guy! 146 00:06:13,567 --> 00:06:15,441 Now, when does the attorney-client privilege 147 00:06:15,485 --> 00:06:17,883 kick in? 148 00:06:17,927 --> 00:06:20,151 Well, as soon as the client gives the attorney a check, 149 00:06:20,194 --> 00:06:22,069 but... I don't know, Karen. 150 00:06:22,112 --> 00:06:24,467 Me as your lawyer-- 151 00:06:24,511 --> 00:06:26,255 Me as your lawyer, consider it done. 152 00:06:28,435 --> 00:06:30,266 Jack: Here's something that you probably don't know about Will. 153 00:06:30,309 --> 00:06:33,536 In elementary school, Will secretly loved the book 154 00:06:33,579 --> 00:06:35,193 "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." 155 00:06:35,236 --> 00:06:38,114 Yeah. We bonded over it in college. 156 00:06:38,157 --> 00:06:39,160 Okay, well, did you know that Will-- 157 00:06:39,204 --> 00:06:40,163 Grace: Oh, please. 158 00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:41,166 The day you know more 159 00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:42,387 about Will than I do, 160 00:06:42,430 --> 00:06:44,087 is the day I gladly kiss your butt. 161 00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:48,098 Here, do me a favor. Sort these tassels. 162 00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:50,322 You want me to sort them by color, by size? 163 00:06:50,365 --> 00:06:51,761 By 5 o'clock. 164 00:06:53,244 --> 00:06:54,725 Oh, you want to be useful, help the man 165 00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:56,949 standing behind you with the big package. 166 00:06:56,992 --> 00:06:58,258 Grace, don't tease me. 167 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:07,108 - Hello. - Grace Adler Design? 168 00:07:07,152 --> 00:07:08,199 I'll sign for it. 169 00:07:10,727 --> 00:07:12,210 Uh, just your name, sir. 170 00:07:12,253 --> 00:07:13,474 I don't need your phone number. 171 00:07:16,046 --> 00:07:17,267 Don't be so sure. 172 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:19,578 Sir. 173 00:07:21,845 --> 00:07:23,720 Jack? 174 00:07:23,764 --> 00:07:24,897 Jack? 175 00:07:24,941 --> 00:07:27,208 Jack! Hi. 176 00:07:27,252 --> 00:07:28,908 Can you put that in the back, please? Thank you. 177 00:07:30,348 --> 00:07:31,263 [thudding] 178 00:07:33,225 --> 00:07:36,364 Wow, tell me that guy did not look exactly like Steven. 179 00:07:36,408 --> 00:07:38,239 - Who's Steven? - Will's Steven. 180 00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:41,029 - Will doesn't have a Steven. - Well, not anymore. 181 00:07:41,073 --> 00:07:41,901 Jack: But you know-- 182 00:07:43,427 --> 00:07:44,430 Oh. 183 00:07:47,831 --> 00:07:50,317 You don't know who Steven is. 184 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:51,798 Oops, butterfingers. 185 00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:55,897 I guess one shouldn't make any promises they can't keep. 186 00:08:02,175 --> 00:08:04,573 With love in your heart, and a smile on your face. 187 00:08:07,276 --> 00:08:08,759 Jack, just tell me who Steven is. 188 00:08:08,803 --> 00:08:09,936 I'm waiting. 189 00:08:11,812 --> 00:08:13,730 - Two bucks more an hour. - I'm talking. 190 00:08:13,773 --> 00:08:15,343 Steven was a guy at his old law firm. 191 00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:16,433 They had a little fling last summer 192 00:08:16,477 --> 00:08:18,395 while he was still seeing Michael. 193 00:08:18,438 --> 00:08:20,967 And let me just say, Hotty McHot. 194 00:08:21,011 --> 00:08:22,014 [hissing] 195 00:08:24,978 --> 00:08:26,984 - Last summer? - Yeah. 196 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,164 He used to call him a client. That was his code word. 197 00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:30,559 "I'm having dinner with the client." 198 00:08:30,603 --> 00:08:32,478 "I'm drawing up some briefs for a client." 199 00:08:32,522 --> 00:08:34,440 Oh. There were some briefs involved. 200 00:08:36,663 --> 00:08:38,626 But he wasn't drawin' them up. 201 00:08:45,602 --> 00:08:48,043 - Hey. - Hi. 202 00:08:48,087 --> 00:08:50,660 Ready to hear what I have planned for us tonight? 203 00:08:50,703 --> 00:08:53,231 First of all, I'm putting aside all of my food issues. 204 00:08:53,275 --> 00:08:55,194 So get ready, tonight, we eat wheat. 205 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,728 So, workin' with Jack. 206 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:00,992 How long did it take before he took 207 00:09:01,036 --> 00:09:02,344 one of your silk drapery panels 208 00:09:02,388 --> 00:09:04,306 and wore it like a sarong? 209 00:09:09,363 --> 00:09:11,456 Why are you looking at me like that? 210 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,332 "I Know What You Did Last Summer." 211 00:09:18,259 --> 00:09:19,217 Pardon? 212 00:09:21,005 --> 00:09:23,578 The movie. I rented it. 213 00:09:23,621 --> 00:09:24,711 "I Know What You Did Last Summer." 214 00:09:24,755 --> 00:09:25,671 Oh, I see. 215 00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:29,551 And "An Affair To Remember." 216 00:09:32,603 --> 00:09:34,871 With "The Client." 217 00:09:40,756 --> 00:09:41,933 What do you think? 218 00:09:41,977 --> 00:09:43,634 I think all the good movies were taken. 219 00:09:45,945 --> 00:09:48,473 I think you're also gonna have to watch them alone. 220 00:09:48,517 --> 00:09:50,043 Why? Where are you going? 221 00:09:50,087 --> 00:09:51,264 Yeah, I gotta meet with a client. 222 00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:57,498 A what? 223 00:09:57,542 --> 00:09:58,938 A client. 224 00:10:00,507 --> 00:10:02,295 Grace: At 9 o'clock at night? Will: Yeah. 225 00:10:02,338 --> 00:10:03,691 It's the only time we could both do it. 226 00:10:07,048 --> 00:10:09,096 - Who is it? - It's just a client. 227 00:10:09,140 --> 00:10:11,843 It's a new client. I'll see you in the morning. 228 00:10:11,887 --> 00:10:14,154 Oh, and, uh, go easy on the wheat, huh? 229 00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:16,160 I don't want to come home and find you lying on the floor, 230 00:10:16,203 --> 00:10:18,079 clutching the phone with your finger on the nine. 231 00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:22,264 [dialing] 232 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,930 Jack, good, you're still there. 233 00:10:26,973 --> 00:10:27,670 Jack: Yeah. 234 00:10:30,025 --> 00:10:31,812 Jack: I'm still waiting for that package. 235 00:10:34,036 --> 00:10:35,824 Grace, where did you get these drapery panels? 236 00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:38,048 Um. Emerald Fabric, why? 237 00:10:38,091 --> 00:10:40,228 No reason. 238 00:10:40,271 --> 00:10:42,800 So, uh, what did Will say when you asked him about Steven? 239 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,154 Well, I never got to ask him about that client. Why? 240 00:10:45,198 --> 00:10:46,811 Because he has a new client. 241 00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,555 - What are you talking about? - Oh, like you don't know. 242 00:10:48,599 --> 00:10:49,994 He's seeing someone, Jack. 243 00:10:50,037 --> 00:10:51,259 I can't believe you kept this from me. 244 00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:52,871 I didn't know anything about it. 245 00:10:52,916 --> 00:10:53,961 No, no, no. It's-- it's gotta be something else. 246 00:10:54,005 --> 00:10:55,706 Besides, the odds are against him. 247 00:10:55,749 --> 00:10:58,104 He's only been with five people in the last eight years. 248 00:10:58,147 --> 00:10:59,717 He's like a humpback whale. 249 00:11:01,854 --> 00:11:03,292 Without the hump. 250 00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:07,565 Oh, my God. 251 00:11:07,608 --> 00:11:09,091 So, what could it be? 252 00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,486 I mean, what could it be that-- 253 00:11:10,529 --> 00:11:12,230 that he didn't tell you and he didn't tell me? 254 00:11:13,887 --> 00:11:15,980 It must be something he didn't want us to know. 255 00:11:17,899 --> 00:11:18,989 Good work, Nancy Drew. 256 00:11:19,032 --> 00:11:20,645 Let's meet up at Old Mystery Creek. 257 00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:26,444 Jack, just get over here now. 258 00:11:26,487 --> 00:11:27,970 And lose the drapes, I can hear the fabrics 259 00:11:28,014 --> 00:11:29,147 rustling through the phone. 260 00:11:36,385 --> 00:11:37,824 Can I, uh-- 261 00:11:37,867 --> 00:11:40,265 Can I talk to you for a minute as if we were friends? 262 00:11:40,309 --> 00:11:42,053 Oh, honey. 263 00:11:42,096 --> 00:11:44,015 I know, I know, I give you a hard time, 264 00:11:44,059 --> 00:11:47,023 and I make jokes about how you never do any work. 265 00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:48,723 But it's funny because it's true. 266 00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:50,642 [laughing] 267 00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:55,046 I know. Karen. 268 00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,226 If you're set on divorce, I can help you with that, 269 00:11:57,270 --> 00:12:00,583 but it's gonna take an emotional toll. 270 00:12:00,627 --> 00:12:03,417 Oh, I don't know, Will, I mean, 271 00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,467 in a lot of ways, I have a very good life. 272 00:12:05,510 --> 00:12:08,998 A home in the city, a home in the country, a boat, 273 00:12:09,042 --> 00:12:11,875 jewelry, art, cars, a chef, a trainer, 274 00:12:11,919 --> 00:12:12,922 an ass-kicking wardrobe-- 275 00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,099 Yeah, I get it. 276 00:12:16,279 --> 00:12:18,329 How is the woman inside 277 00:12:18,372 --> 00:12:20,073 the ass-kicking wardrobe? 278 00:12:21,729 --> 00:12:24,214 Nine percent body fat, and a little bit lost. 279 00:12:25,784 --> 00:12:27,659 Oh, Will, I don't know what it takes 280 00:12:27,703 --> 00:12:29,490 to make a good relationship. 281 00:12:29,534 --> 00:12:31,496 Oh, well, I'm no expert, 282 00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:34,112 but the key relationships in my life 283 00:12:34,155 --> 00:12:35,987 are based on communication 284 00:12:36,030 --> 00:12:37,992 and trust. 285 00:12:38,035 --> 00:12:40,608 What is he hiding? What could be so bad? 286 00:12:40,652 --> 00:12:41,829 Why doesn't he trust me? 287 00:12:44,315 --> 00:12:45,448 I don't know, maybe it's 'cause 288 00:12:45,492 --> 00:12:47,149 you're rifling through his stuff. 289 00:12:48,805 --> 00:12:50,332 Don't get me wrong, I do this all the time. 290 00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:53,296 You're just never here when it happens. 291 00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,214 Oh, don't worry. Your room? Boring. 292 00:13:00,577 --> 00:13:01,754 So, tell me again what we're looking for. 293 00:13:01,798 --> 00:13:03,455 Something that spells doom. 294 00:13:03,498 --> 00:13:05,155 [gasps] 295 00:13:05,199 --> 00:13:06,855 - What? - He ate all the Mallomars. 296 00:13:08,425 --> 00:13:10,518 Oh, my God. He's stress eating. 297 00:13:10,562 --> 00:13:13,309 He's eating because... his business is folding. 298 00:13:13,352 --> 00:13:14,835 You think his business is folding? 299 00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,273 Well, it all makes sense, I mean, he actually asked me 300 00:13:16,318 --> 00:13:18,236 when I was gonna pay back the 25,000. 301 00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:22,290 No, no, no, no. That, he would tell me. 302 00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:23,816 It has to be something worse. 303 00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:26,869 God, what is he keeping from me? 304 00:13:26,912 --> 00:13:28,176 Oh, my God. 305 00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:29,964 It's drugs. 306 00:13:30,007 --> 00:13:31,883 It's drugs. 307 00:13:31,926 --> 00:13:33,844 He's doing drugs. [Jack gasps] 308 00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:35,153 Without me. 309 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,951 Not that I do drugs, but I'd like to be asked. 310 00:13:42,695 --> 00:13:43,916 You know what else he wouldn't tell either of us? 311 00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:45,661 lf he's sick. 312 00:13:45,704 --> 00:13:47,273 He needs a kidney. 313 00:13:47,318 --> 00:13:48,974 Oh, my God. He needs a kidney. 314 00:13:50,369 --> 00:13:51,285 Not that I would give him a kidney 315 00:13:51,329 --> 00:13:52,636 but I'd like to be asked. 316 00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:56,560 - Jack, go check his bedroom. - Okay. What am I looking for? 317 00:13:56,604 --> 00:13:58,348 Doom. 318 00:13:58,392 --> 00:14:00,136 I'll start with his bed. 319 00:14:02,272 --> 00:14:03,580 Jack: Aha! I found something! 320 00:14:03,624 --> 00:14:06,327 - What? - Will's new jacket. 321 00:14:06,371 --> 00:14:08,377 I'm swimming in it, but loving the fabric. 322 00:14:11,079 --> 00:14:13,434 I don't think there's anything here. 323 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,483 Oh, no wonder it's so bulky, his day planner's in here. 324 00:14:27,342 --> 00:14:28,345 This is wrong. 325 00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:29,697 You think we should put it away? 326 00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:31,528 No, it's the wrong month. 327 00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:35,147 Okay, here it is. 328 00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:37,108 He's having dinner at the Astor Cafe. 329 00:14:38,548 --> 00:14:40,771 With K. 330 00:14:40,815 --> 00:14:42,472 K? Kidney! 331 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,172 But he wouldn't be having dinner with one. 332 00:14:46,395 --> 00:14:48,968 The Astor Cafe. 333 00:14:49,012 --> 00:14:49,971 - No, I can't. - You could. 334 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:50,973 - I won't. - You will. 335 00:14:51,018 --> 00:14:52,020 - You're right. - Yes. 336 00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:55,596 It seems like despite everything, 337 00:14:55,639 --> 00:14:57,209 you're still in love with your husband. 338 00:14:57,252 --> 00:15:00,304 Well, I guess in a lot of ways, I'm kind of like a younger, 339 00:15:00,347 --> 00:15:02,484 much more beautiful version of Leona Helmsley. 340 00:15:04,184 --> 00:15:05,798 First, you marry for money, 341 00:15:05,841 --> 00:15:09,591 and then you find yourself lovin' the old coot. 342 00:15:09,635 --> 00:15:11,945 Then he drops dead, and you get the money anyway. 343 00:15:11,989 --> 00:15:13,079 It's a win-win. 344 00:15:14,518 --> 00:15:15,608 My heart is full. 345 00:15:15,652 --> 00:15:16,742 Oh, honey, give me your phone. 346 00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,485 I wanna call Stan right this minute. 347 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,799 Head. Head. Head. 348 00:15:21,843 --> 00:15:22,889 Can I help you? 349 00:15:22,933 --> 00:15:24,415 No, I'm just here to see someone. 350 00:15:24,459 --> 00:15:27,032 - You need a reservation. - To see someone? 351 00:15:27,075 --> 00:15:28,819 We like to protect our patrons. 352 00:15:28,863 --> 00:15:30,737 What do you think I'm gonna do, run around the dining room, 353 00:15:30,781 --> 00:15:32,089 and oversalt their food? 354 00:15:33,527 --> 00:15:36,667 Who's my puppy, huh? [chuckles] 355 00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:39,283 Who's my naughty, naughty little puppy? 356 00:15:39,327 --> 00:15:40,984 [laughs] 357 00:15:45,692 --> 00:15:47,524 Wag that tail. [chuckles] 358 00:15:49,791 --> 00:15:51,491 That's right, wag it. 359 00:15:53,672 --> 00:15:56,113 [gasps] Uh-oh. 360 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,686 Oh, I know a very, 361 00:15:58,729 --> 00:16:01,302 very bad, naughty puppy 362 00:16:01,345 --> 00:16:03,656 who's gonna have to go back on his leash. 363 00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:05,793 [laughs] 364 00:16:05,836 --> 00:16:07,318 Excuse me, could I get the check? 365 00:16:07,361 --> 00:16:09,150 And an airlift out of here? 366 00:16:11,591 --> 00:16:13,422 Oh, Stan? 367 00:16:13,465 --> 00:16:14,905 I'm-- I'm gonna have to call you back. 368 00:16:14,948 --> 00:16:17,259 I'm gettin' another call, but I'll see you later. 369 00:16:17,302 --> 00:16:19,526 Mm-hmm. Start doing your sit-ups. 370 00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:20,485 [chuckles] 371 00:16:22,142 --> 00:16:23,712 Here, honey, you got a call. 372 00:16:23,756 --> 00:16:27,331 And I have to go, uh, reapply. 373 00:16:27,375 --> 00:16:29,860 - Hello. - Hi, it's me. 374 00:16:29,903 --> 00:16:31,429 Um, I just wanted to know 375 00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:33,435 if there was, you know, anything 376 00:16:33,479 --> 00:16:35,004 that you wanted to tell me. 377 00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:36,530 What are you talking about? 378 00:16:36,574 --> 00:16:38,318 Well, you're hiding something from me. What is it? 379 00:16:38,361 --> 00:16:39,626 How much wheat did you have? 380 00:16:41,457 --> 00:16:43,071 Why didn't you tell me about Steven? 381 00:16:43,114 --> 00:16:44,030 Will: Steven? Grace: Yes! 382 00:16:44,074 --> 00:16:46,864 I had to find out from-- 383 00:16:46,908 --> 00:16:48,869 Oh! Damn it! 384 00:16:48,914 --> 00:16:50,614 Oh, God, that's the last time I buy a phone 385 00:16:50,657 --> 00:16:52,314 to get a free pair of pantyhose. 386 00:17:01,383 --> 00:17:04,347 [cell phone ringing] Hello? 387 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,182 Keeping secrets is not in our rule book. 388 00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,274 I know all about K. 389 00:17:09,318 --> 00:17:11,585 Well, actually, I don't know all about K. 390 00:17:11,629 --> 00:17:12,457 Actually, I don't know anything about K. 391 00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:14,158 Who's K? 392 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,555 Hold on. Hello? 393 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,954 What? No. I don't-- 394 00:17:18,998 --> 00:17:20,001 [sighs] Wait a minute. 395 00:17:26,018 --> 00:17:27,456 No, we're all booked up, but it looks like 396 00:17:27,499 --> 00:17:29,375 we have an opening at 10:00. 397 00:17:29,418 --> 00:17:30,508 Bochner, for two. 398 00:17:32,383 --> 00:17:34,214 Window seat? Don't push it. 399 00:17:37,614 --> 00:17:40,057 - Will. - I am in the middle of dinner. 400 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,887 No, you're not. You're already on coffee. 401 00:17:41,931 --> 00:17:44,286 Okay, so I'm on cof-- Where are you? 402 00:17:45,550 --> 00:17:47,120 It's a secret. 403 00:17:49,257 --> 00:17:52,265 Now, tell me. How does that make you feel? 404 00:17:52,308 --> 00:17:54,706 Like a sorority girl in a bad slasher movie. 405 00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:55,839 Where are you? 406 00:17:57,322 --> 00:17:59,110 Let's just put it this way. 407 00:17:59,153 --> 00:18:02,772 The call is coming from inside the house. 408 00:18:09,182 --> 00:18:11,274 Grace, you cannot be here right now. Go home! 409 00:18:11,318 --> 00:18:12,495 - No. - Go home! 410 00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:15,286 - No. No. - Go! 411 00:18:15,330 --> 00:18:18,512 Excuse me. Would you mind having that crazed redhead removed? 412 00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:21,085 Listen to me, I'm Ricky Ricardo. 413 00:18:21,128 --> 00:18:21,957 I'll take care of it, Mr. Ricardo. 414 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,355 No. Excuse me. 415 00:18:26,229 --> 00:18:28,671 Look, this is insane. Let her in, please. 416 00:18:41,097 --> 00:18:43,103 Okay, what is it? Do you need a lung? 417 00:18:43,147 --> 00:18:45,152 I have two. Pick one. Just no more secrets. 418 00:18:45,196 --> 00:18:47,463 - Grace, I tell you everything. - Who is K? 419 00:18:47,507 --> 00:18:49,381 I can't tell you. 420 00:18:49,425 --> 00:18:51,867 Grace, what are you doing here? 421 00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:54,482 Honey, what happened to you? You look like an unmade bed. 422 00:18:56,488 --> 00:18:58,973 Karen, you're supposed to be on vacation. 423 00:18:59,017 --> 00:19:01,285 Grace, I'd like you to meet my client, K. 424 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,263 - Hey. - Hi. 425 00:19:09,307 --> 00:19:11,094 Let me just fill you in on the rest of my evening, you know, 426 00:19:11,137 --> 00:19:13,143 just so you don't think I'm keeping anything from you. 427 00:19:13,187 --> 00:19:14,190 Grace: Will. Will: Uh, on the way home-- 428 00:19:14,234 --> 00:19:15,673 I bought a pretzel from a vendor. 429 00:19:15,716 --> 00:19:17,067 I think his name was Luba. 430 00:19:17,111 --> 00:19:19,510 And-- and I scraped off about half the salt. 431 00:19:19,553 --> 00:19:21,602 - Come on. - Then, I was in the bookstore. 432 00:19:21,645 --> 00:19:23,434 And I was, uh, absentmindedly thumbing through 433 00:19:23,477 --> 00:19:25,962 "Marilu Henner's Guide To Life." It was in the bargain bin. 434 00:19:26,005 --> 00:19:27,575 You know, she has been able to do 435 00:19:27,619 --> 00:19:29,406 the splits since she was five. 436 00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:31,063 And bunions are her personal hell. 437 00:19:31,106 --> 00:19:32,153 - I get the point. - Then. 438 00:19:32,196 --> 00:19:33,723 When I was almost home, 439 00:19:33,766 --> 00:19:35,075 I thought I recognized someone on the street, 440 00:19:35,118 --> 00:19:36,949 so I-- I sort of half-waved, but then 441 00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:38,345 it wasn't who I thought it was, so I-- 442 00:19:38,389 --> 00:19:40,307 I pretended to scratch my ear, just so you know. 443 00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:43,707 - Enough already! - What's the deal, Grace? 444 00:19:43,751 --> 00:19:45,931 I mean-- So I don't tell you about Steven. 445 00:19:45,974 --> 00:19:47,196 It was a stupid affair. 446 00:19:47,239 --> 00:19:49,288 I wasn't particularly proud of it, and I-- 447 00:19:49,332 --> 00:19:51,425 I knew if I told you, I'd have to really examine it 448 00:19:51,468 --> 00:19:53,692 when I really just wanted it to go away. 449 00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,828 But, Will, if I think you're hiding something, 450 00:19:55,872 --> 00:19:57,311 I'm always gonna think that you're hiding something 451 00:19:57,355 --> 00:19:59,448 that's much bigger than it really is. 452 00:19:59,491 --> 00:20:00,842 Why? Why would you think that? 453 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,333 Because I don't want you to tell me that you're gay again. 454 00:20:06,555 --> 00:20:09,300 What? 455 00:20:09,345 --> 00:20:10,957 When we were in college, and at Christmas break 456 00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:13,487 you told me you were gay... 457 00:20:13,530 --> 00:20:15,623 everything changed. 458 00:20:17,236 --> 00:20:20,463 Of course it changed. My whole life changed. 459 00:20:20,507 --> 00:20:21,597 So did mine. 460 00:20:24,255 --> 00:20:26,480 Look, everything worked out, 461 00:20:26,524 --> 00:20:29,532 but I guess I'm just still waiting for you to... 462 00:20:29,575 --> 00:20:32,017 change my world with your next big secret. 463 00:20:33,194 --> 00:20:34,851 You almost said, "Rock my world," didn't you? 464 00:20:34,895 --> 00:20:35,853 Maybe. 465 00:20:37,642 --> 00:20:40,213 Gracie. 466 00:20:40,257 --> 00:20:42,306 Coming out of the closet is something 467 00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:44,269 you only do once in life. 468 00:20:44,312 --> 00:20:45,926 You know, it's like being born 469 00:20:45,969 --> 00:20:48,716 or watching Magic Johnson's talk show. 470 00:20:52,597 --> 00:20:55,910 I promise, no more big surprises. 471 00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:56,825 Good. 472 00:20:56,869 --> 00:20:58,788 Well, there-- there is one more 473 00:20:58,831 --> 00:20:59,878 I should-- I should tell you about. 474 00:21:02,188 --> 00:21:02,842 I'm pregnant.